I heard a wounded heart open its mouth and speak the other day in passing. A statement said with fear in the disguise of confidence.
"You can't trust anyone." It said.
For a moment I expected to turn and see someone who looked like a villain you might see in a movie scene where the character is sinister with ice blue eyes and an evil scheme in mind. But that wasn't the case at all. She was polished and petite and pretty.
What a terrible way to live, I thought to myself. But I know that I too have built my own walls before. An expert bricklayer. Brick upon brick. Row by row. A well-guarded fortress keeping others out and myself in.
That's what happens when the heart doesn't fully heal. When there has been some infraction against it, a betrayal or a loss. It guards and protects from the thing that might be its undoing if it were to happen again. It opens the door when fear knocks, invites it in and makes it a bed. Stay awhile, won't you? Because if you do, you might protect me.
It seems like wisdom, but it isn't wisdom at all. It's bitterness. Heavy and isolating and coloring everything you see with a dull shade of gray.
You see, sometimes we think we've healed from that thing that hurt us so. From that unspeakable thing that happened when you were little. From that friend who decided never to have time anymore. From that person who promised to love you and then chose to love someone else. From that parent who told you-you would never amount to anything.
I know you think you've healed by now. And you have. At least enough to survive it at the time. And now so much time has passed, and surely there must be an expiration date on wounds, isn't there?
But the bandaid starts to lift because it can only hold for so long. And wounds in the heart eventually begin to raise too, rising closer and closer to the surface until they eventually seep out onto everyone around us.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Spreading far and wide into our relationships and our perspective and the words we speak.
You can only run so far from the truth. Eventually, anemia catches up to a hemorrhage. It robs your health and your strength and your ability to live.
"You can't trust anyone."
Oh but you can.
And the time for healing has come.
And if you allow it, The Great Physician will come. Because He knows what you need even when you don't.
So be still now. Don't try to escape the process. It will only hurt worse if you do. It will only prolong the pain of healing.
That cut you feel is the most perfect precision from a skilled surgeon to whom none other compares. Sometimes bones have to be reset to heal correctly. Sometimes old wounds have to be revisited in order to scar.
I know it feels easier to allow things to remain the same. I know it does.
But there is a time for your broken heart to be mended. There is a better way to live.
Here's the truth that sometimes the wounded heart can't see. You can trust others. You can believe the best. Not everyone is going to hurt you the way one person did. The sky isn't going to fall. It does not always rain in Seattle.
I pray that you will be healed. You deserve it. The people who love you deserve it. I pray that you will love others with your whole heart and not consider what it may cost you. Will you get hurt sometimes? Yes. A solid yes. But, love anyway. It's worth it.
I'm so glad God didn't wait until I proved myself entirely trustworthy to love me.
What area of your heart do you need healing in? Maybe for you, it's not trust, but insecurity, lack of self-worth, low expectations for good, or fear? Be brave and dig deep.