Crushed Diamonds

There was a time in my life when today was one of the hardest days of the year. I was 100 miles from home (felt more like a thousand) in a remote area of Ohio, surrounded by double razor wire. Beyond the wire, fields stretched as far as you could see. It felt like an island in the middle of no man’s land. 

When the sun would go down on this day, even in the middle of no man’s land, I could still hear the explosion of fireworks. And sometimes from my window, I could even see a sneak peak of explosive color in that dark sky. 

I could also hear and see a lifetime of memories. Memories of my uncle’s annual 4th of July picnic and the festive red, white and blue desserts my momma would make. Or the time a firework shot off in the wrong direction and landed under grandma’s chair (no injuries thankfully).  

I could hear the reminder that life was still going on outside those gates.  

Today, I no longer have to just sit as an observer. But to be honest, some perceptions and patterns of thought are hard to unlearn. 

There is a story in John chapter 5 about a man laying by a pool who has been paralyzed for 38 years. (Even if you have no reference point for the bible or regardless of where you are in your beliefs, stay with me….this could speak to you). 

This paralyzed man laid by the pool day after day because the belief was that the pool contained healing powers. Jesus approaches him (by the way, he has no idea who Jesus is) and asks him, “Do you want to be made well?” 

It seems like a ridiculous question, right? The man has been paralyzed for 38 years and this stranger walks up and asks if he wants to be made well? 

There is a larger point here though. Don’t miss it. 

The man answers with an excuse. The hard truth? Sometimes we don’t want to be made well.  Dysfunction becomes the new normal and we just learn to live with it. We settle with sitting as an observer of the life we could have. A life free of all that enslaves us.

I recently read about a documentary of a woman who had a 300 pound tumor removed from her body. When asked by the filmmakers who documented her surgery why she waited so long to have it removed, she said she didn’t get help because she figured it would go away on its own. 

Sometimes I do this in my own life. I waited 2 years to see a doctor one time for pain on the bottom of my foot. A foot that I use daily for walking!  

Deep sigh. 

It is amazing to me the things we are willing to endure and suffer. Things we are willing to accept as our lot in life. 

In my present day life, I work with a non profit organization as an advocate and mentor for those in the correctional system and I see this concept played out over and over. Women and men who have accepted poverty, crime, addiction, abuse and dehumanization as their lot in life. 

Without a disruption in that thought, prisons will remain a revolving door.  

But don't be mistaken. I have met many people in the free world who are equally bound. Without a disruption in thought, the things that make us unwell will remain. Toxic relationships. Low self worth. Inferiority. Fear. Addiction. Depression. Shame. Every sort of emotional and spiritual bondage you can name. 

There is more to life. There is healing and wholeness.  

If you are reading this and it applies to you, I pray that the lies you and I have bought into will be disrupted and shattered. I pray that we will believe for more.

As a side note, I have yet to see a night sky as beautiful as the ones I saw while surrounded by that double razor wire. It was like a canvas of crushed diamonds with a black velvety backdrop. But I only noticed it by looking away from everything that was around me and believing there was so much more to the world than what I currently saw.


References: Kyle Idelman, "The End of Me" David C Cook (Colorado Springs, CO: 2015)

2 comments

  • Danielle Beaver

    Danielle Beaver Hamilton, Ohio

    This is beautiful Sarah. !!

    This is beautiful Sarah. !!

  • Lee Davis

    Lee Davis Fairfield

    That's was deep I love

    That's was deep I love

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