Everything is Important.”

— Walter Tirey Jr.

"I write because there are some stories
it would be a crime not to tell."

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No Spectators Allowed 


How is your heart? 

In recent weeks, mine has felt overwhelmed and paralyzed as a result. I have found myself feeling much like a car sitting at a traffic light in neutral. The light has turned green, the guy behind me is blaring his horn (so rude), but I don’t seem to have the gas to go forward. My creative tank of gifts I have to offer the world feels stagnant and low.  

I think we can all acknowledge and agree that recent months have felt increasingly hard with the pandemic, the exposure of racial tension that still exists, and our country progressively being more divided and at odds than ever. I know there is still a multitude of good happening in the midst of it all, because God is the essence of good, and He prevails. I also know that sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Like a broken bone that you can't just slap a bandaid on, but instead, must be properly set to heal. Healing hurts, but it's necessary all the same.  

I started well when 2020 first fell apart and quarantine went into effect. I made a schedule of schoolwork for my teens and a daily outline for the structure of their days, even though it didn’t last five minutes. I filled my days of toddler parenting with painting and baking and a daily gratitude list for myself of all that I was thankful for despite the shut down of the world as we knew it. My adrenaline was high, my fight mode in full effect and I felt confident in my ability to navigate whatever came my way. It's laughable now. Go ahead. You have my permission. 

Then reality began to set in that Covid-19 has likely come to stay longer than expected. Masks have become the new normal. Hugs have become a thing of the past. The state of the world at large is seemingly at unrest, as it should be when justice is denied and people are treated as less than based on the color of the skin that God gave them. My heart has often felt weary, grieved, and overwhelmed, as it also should because God's heart is grieved too.  

In my weariness, I am reminded of the story of Elijah in 1 Kings, Chapter 19. By this point in the story, Elijah has seen the faithfulness of God in his life over and over again. God has given Elijah victory and demonstrated His faithfulness and that He can be trusted. Even still, Elijah receives a single threat against his life and we find him sitting under a juniper tree feeling alone and filled with despair and discouragement to the point that he asked God to take his life. 

I can relate to feeling discouraged to the point that I want to give up. I can relate to being so exhausted from ministry, parenting, work, the disruption of normalcy, and this whole life thing that I forget that I am human and my need for rest is essential to my well-being and to prepare for the work that still lies ahead.  

God knew that Elijah was tired and that his physical and basic need for sleep and food was distorting his perception of reality. He allowed Elijah to rest and commanded him to eat before sending him on to the next thing He had for him.  

God also knows your needs, friend. He knows how each of us is uniquely wired and what our specific needs are before we even ask. He is not a cruel master who drives us at a pace that we cannot keep up with. Matthew 18:20 (NIV) reminds us, “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory.”  

Part of Elijah’s discouragement and feelings of despair were also rooted in the fact that he believed he was alone in following the One true God. He assumed that everyone else was bowing to the false God, Baal. Isn't this how we are at times too? Discouragement sneaks in and lies to our hearts. It tells us that we are alone. That the work we are doing isn't enough. That we are failing and falling short and perhaps we should just collapse under a juniper tree and beg for God to take our life.  

Collapse, yes. Rest is essential. But take the discouragement and weariness to God and allow Him to renew your vision and strength. Our perception of reality becomes grossly distorted when we are tired. 

God later revealed to Elijah that there were “seven thousand in Israel-all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.” 1 Kings 19:18 (NIV). Elijah was not alone after all. 

And neither are you, my friend. Your life matters. Your words matter. Your giftings are needed now more than ever. Rest and keep going. 


Tracing the Kindness: The Key to Gratitude 


When I look at this picture, my heart feels an abundance of good. Like a massive table and a feast set before me, with candles and everything. It’s too much beauty for the heart to fully hold all at once. 

But here’s what the past year also held. An abundance of the really hard stuff. The cliff notes version looks something like this. A new church plant (we could stop here), the launching process of a business, major job changes, three (soon to be four) moves, and all of the everyday life stuff and a thousand behind the scene details sprinkled on top. Deep and cleansing sigh. I am still catching my breath. 

It felt harder, longer and darker at times than anything I’ve ever fought through in my life. Like being left in the open sea with no response to the flares sent up and no stars to light up the night. And I thought I had graduated the waiting room of life with a Master’s Degree. Surely that six years of my past made me proficient in the school of long-suffering. Prepared maybe, but still so much room for growth and the realization that none of us ever fully arrive and we never will. Not on this side of life anyway. 

I know it may seem impossible right now, but there may come a day when you will stand on the other side of some of the hardest places in your life and be able to say, “I can find gratitude, even in this.” 

Grateful means: “feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness.” 

In every moment of life that we walk through, there is always kindness being extended towards us, even if it’s the smallest thing and really hard to trace. So often it can be found in people. If I were to subtract my unwanted circumstances, I would also subtract so many people. So much kindness. So many ways that God has been showing His love towards me. 

It’s a mystery and a wonder and too much for me. But I am so grateful. 

Happy Thanksgiving.

Your Cry Has Been Heard 


Last Spring and what feels like a lifetime ago, I wrote about the time I jumped out of the car with wet hair and an outfit I didn’t plan on leaving the car in. You know the one. We’ve all been there. 

I thought I saw a girl I had lost contact with. I worried she had fallen back into the evil grasp of addiction after weeks of text messages met with silence. And as the truth would later unfold, my intuition was right. So across two lanes of traffic and with my wet hair and pajama bottoms I went, only for my heart to sink at the realization that it wasn’t her at all. 

There are a few things I think you should know. 

Today, she is sober and very pregnant with a son. She has her first job and is rebuilding what has been fractured with her family. She is in process, working towards healing and wholeness, as we all are over the course of our lives. And she is smiling a lot. 

I didn’t know if I would ever see the day. 

There are prayers you have uttered a thousand times and have stopped praying because they have remained unfulfilled. There are hopes and dreams that have seemingly died, like an echo  of what we see right now as the colors fade from the trees and everything beautiful seems to die for a time. You have tried your best to move on, focus on what is right in front of you because the heart can only carry so much at once, letting go of what might have been or the hope of a better outcome. 

But God does not forget. 

There was a prayer I prayed countless times many years ago. I only half-believed that it was even possible or that it would ever really happen and I knew it would be nothing short of a miracle if it ever did. And then, on one ordinary morning in early September before I was even fully awake, the message came. It will be an entire chapter in my book, so no spoiler alerts here. 

But know this. When it seems that God is doing nothing, when it seems that He is indifferent to your cries, He is not. He hears. Over and over again we are told in scripture that He hears our cries. How could He not? I could never ignore the cry of my children, and I am a mediocre parent at best. 

He is also a seeker of lost things. He runs towards you and nothing you could ever do will make Him stop.

Living the Dream 


It was never part of our plan to move into that house. It sat on the market with little interest for an extended time, an empty shell that mirrored the grief we all felt every time we walked in, no longer greeted by my grandparents whom we loved so dearly. They had both passed away in recent years, and I was not ready to lose them, but I would never have been. It was a stone house next to the antique store in a small and wonderfully quaint village where the town siren goes off every night at six o'clock. My grandparents raised a tribe of strong daughters and gathered generations that followed under that roof, creating a lifetime of memories now stored in my heart. 

Our move was an urgent one on New Year's day and went something like this. Our dog had gotten sick a few times over two days, a clue to something being amiss, and we were unaware. Thankfully, our furnace had also gone out the night before, so we called a heating and cooling company that came and discovered carbon monoxide that was leaking at a level that registered higher than their detector could read. The furnace was severely outdated and was repeatedly rigged to avoid having to replace it, all unbeknownst to our puking dog and us. Happy New Year. 

So there we landed, in my grandparent's home on January 1st and discussions began to happen of buying the house from my family, to renovate it and then try to sell it after some much needed TLC. 

It took us about a year and a half to renovate that home so near to my heart. I say "us," meaning that my contributions consisted of picking flooring and wall colors and promising to try and be patient with the working areas we were simultaneously living in. I often failed by the way. Living in a construction zone is a hot mess, and far from easy, just in case you should ever decide to try it. Consider yourself forewarned. 

Four months into the project and one warm day in Spring, I was on a walk when I began to have this feeling that more rebuilding was taking place than just the house. I realized there was also a deep inner work happening inside of me. 

Beneath the outer landscape of my life that others could see, my heart was like what I saw daily in that house. A mix of so many beautiful memories tangled with demolition and wreckage and dust for days. I didn't realize at the time how much I needed the construction. Or how much I needed to return to a place that symbolized safety and nurturing as God healed me and rebuilt me and prepared me for the season that was ahead. 

Here's what we so often forget in our hastiness. The in-between places are more necessary than we will ever fully know. 

When the Israelites were delivered from captivity in Egypt after four hundred and thirty-something oppressive years, they set out on what should have been an eleven-day journey to the place that God had promised to take them. But that eleven-day journey ended up taking forty painstaking years. 

In Exodus 13, it says that God did not lead them by the shorter route, but that He took them the long way around. 

They were being led the whole time. Led out of mindsets that held them captive in the free world. Led out of distrust in the God who holds all the pieces of their broken past and unknown future. I heard someone say once that God delivered the Israelites out of Egypt but then had to deliver Egypt out of the Israelites. 

They weren't lost or wandering as they thought and felt. They were being led. It was an essential time of preparation. 

As the story would unfold, we eventually sold that house. It was a bit of a nightmare process, or so it seemed at the time. There was a near sale that fell through. A zoning issue that threatened to cost more money and the loss of another potential buyer. A move out of the house and a move back in because it sat for too long once again. In the waiting, we felt desperate to move forward. We would drive through the neighborhood we loved and daydreamed about the home we would eventually buy with the profit. 

We began to question if we made the right decision to take on the project. Would the money invested be returned? Would it be a total loss? Would we ever be able to return to the city where we longed to be? 

So here's the surprising part, on that long-awaited day when we sat around a long table across from the buyer, my heart didn't show up the way I thought it would. Not in the least. I didn't feel celebratory. My heart matched the weather outside, overcast, and weepy. 

During seasons of prolonged waiting and trial, it is easy to long for the future when your waiting is over, and you will be "living the dream." I've been there. I get it. But here's what you will miss if you buy into that belief. 

You're living the dream the whole time. 

I was being led, even though it felt messy and complicated and beyond my ability to handle. Through that unwanted and emergent move and renovation process, I was brought home in every sense of the word. Home to healing and restoration. Home to building new memories with my children after so much pain. Home to the celebration of my daughter's first birthday, her name being Hebrew and which means, "God has answered." 

And He has in so many ways. Don't miss the dream you're living right now while waiting for some future destination you are hoping for. You are a dream birthed in the mind of God. You are living the dream.

Feelings are Worth Examining 



I'm feeling all out of sorts today. Maybe it was the funeral and the sadness that looms and the quiet sobs that carry beyond those walls. Perhaps it's the rain and the overcast fall sky. Or the fact that my original blog got trashed and unable to be recovered unless you're more tech-savvy than myself. 

But here I am, all of it combined and feeling off-kilter and not knowing what I need at this moment. 

If there is anything that life and my experiences have taught me, it's this: Feelings are both our most loyal friend and our greatest enemy. Or as a friend of mine says, great passengers and terrible drivers. 

I am grateful for those tricky emotions that we have. Grateful to be able to experience the gift of loving and being loved. Is there anything better? Grateful for the ability to feel empathy and compassion towards others who are hurting. Grateful for the thrill that joy brings in those moments when the world feels exactly as it should be, even if they seem far and few between. And I've learned to be grateful for sorrow and heartbreak because, without it, my heart would be dwarfed somehow and lacking the balm that brings healing to another. 

My feelings have been a good friend to me. They are a signal worth paying attention to and pausing long enough for consideration. They have helped me avert danger on more than one occasion, alerting me when something feels off. They have exposed areas in my heart that need healing, like a teacher pointing to the chalkboard towards an equation I might have missed. 

They are also my greatest enemy at times. There have been too many times they have lied to me and wasted energy. How many times have I avoided a conversation because I just knew it would not end well? Only for all of my "just knowing" to be proved entirely wrong and being handed humility instead. How many times have I allowed fear to consume me over things that never actually happened? 

There was a girl in high school that I used to watch from afar. Not in a creepy stalker kind of way. I admired her. I thought she was beautiful and had perfect curls and good taste in fashion and carried herself so well. And I always felt as though I paled in comparison. She was prettier and smarter and way cooler than me, sitting two rows over in a long season of bad bangs. 

We grew up and graduated and embraced all the adulting things, and there came a day when I found out that she was looking at me and thinking the same thing. 

There are times when I fall silent because my feelings have told me I don't have important things to say and that my voice is not needed, only to get a message from someone who tells me that my letters during one of my darkest times have been a lifeline to her. 

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) 

Guard your heart, my friend. Examine those feelings when you have them. Take them to the One who knows everything you are thinking and feeling and loves you anyway. Ask for direction and wisdom. Whatever you do, don't believe every thought that you think and every feeling it produces. Worth considering, yes. Not always worth believing. 

You are worth it. Your children who are learning to navigate the world by watching you are worth it. And there's a waiting world that needs the good that can flow from you.

Mirror Mirror, What Do You See? 


It was a hard thing to hear, especially from someone who knows me so well. It's easy for people who aren't close to you to miss the mark in their perception of you. But those who know you best? It's often a truth serum, I'm afraid. 

And I didn't want to drink it. 

"I think you can be hard to get to know. I don't think you mean to, but I think sometimes you give off the vibe that you don't want connection." My husband said to me during one of those car rides when you're jumping from topic to random topic and wondering how you landed there. 

Eeeww. And ouch. Who, me?  

But here's the stinger. There was no one else in the car or the coversation, and I knew deep down he was right.  

A few days ago, a friend and I talked about this concept of mirroring human behavior. It's this subconscious thing we tend to do in social situations where we mimic the person with which we are interacting. If you yawn, chances are I will yawn. If you're vulnerable, I am more apt not to feel as guarded. If you are displaying body language that is turned 180 degrees from the direction I am facing and talking to me over your shoulder, I am likely going to interpret that as you are moving away from me and the conversation, and I will probably be very brief and to the point. You get my drift. 

Here's the other truth serum that's sad. It's the one I can admit in this space, from behind the safety of my keyboard where I can edit and still have the option of deleting.  

If the vibe I'm giving off is that I don't want or need connection, there isn't anything that could be further from the truth. It's just that somewhere buried in the cellar of my heart is this fear that a person may not want a connection with me. That maybe I'm an interruption or a delay from something or someone more important. That perhaps what I have to say won't be valuable or interesting or witty enough or whatever. Ugh.  

I want to know your story and what you plan to eat for lunch and what your favorite childhood memory was and what hurt you the most. And I want to tell you mine.  

But even more than that, I want not to mirror anyone. I want to set the temperature when I walk into a room and a conversation, and not so readily adjust myself accordingly. I don't mean in the sense of throwing wisdom to the wind and ignoring non-verbal cues or being pushy. I mean, in the sense of being authentic to who I want to be in this world. 

To be vulnerable even when it's risky and uncomfortable and might be misinterpreted (always a risk my friend).  To be calm and collected and not anxious or fearful of whether or not I am accepted. To not allow others to rent space in my head. Meaning that I don't give too much thought to their perception of me (highlight that one and add a thousand exclamation marks). 

What will people see when they look into the mirror of you? What might you be unintentionally communicating? Let's lean in and listen, even when it's hard. It will be worth it, I promise.

A Conversation With a Stranger 


On more than one occasion, his apartment caught my attention as I drove by and noticed him out front cooking on the grill, surrounded by beautiful sunflowers that towered near the height of the building, a few Bird of Paradise plants and an array of cacti of various sizes. It was one of those houses that looks misplaced in its current surroundings, a seeming tropical oasis amid a bleak landscape of run-down buildings with drab colors, homes long-neglected and where you rarely see people outside. And there he was, smiling through the smoke off the grill, company sitting relaxed all around him, all appearing to be living their best life. I didn't know his story, but my curiosity peeked. 

But on this particular day, I just happened to be pushing my daughter's stroller in the persisting heat of early fall, and I just happened to have a question about a store down the street from where he lived and whether or not it was ever going to open. And Mr. Green Thumb just so happened to be the only one in my line of sight for the asking. So I asked. 

Over time and forging through the awkwardness, I have learned that sparking small talk with a stranger has led to some of the most interesting conversations I've ever had. I have also learned that people are often much kinder than you realize, much more willing to engage than you might expect, and much lonelier than you may know. 

So while I asked my question and pointed down the street, his dog barked and scratched furiously at the door as he filled me in on the latest news about this store mentioned above. Considering he lives near it and since word travels fast in cities with a small-town vibe, he seemed to be in the know. 

I thanked him as I continued on my way, and with a tip of his hat and a nod of his head, he said to me, "Peace be with you, and God bless you." 

And there it was. 

The secret to my curiosity revealed. 

Within a five-second conversation, I knew that was the posture in which he lived his life. "Peace be with you." I knew it from his kind and respectful demeanor. I knew it from his tender care of these plants that grew and thrived under the scorching sun. I knew by the way that he could still celebrate those he loves and create beauty no matter his surroundings. I knew it from his affection towards Fido as he was yapping his head off at the front door. I knew because he was willing to engage with a stranger and send me off with a blessing. 

"Peace be with you, and God bless you." 

I still don't know his story. I don't know the hard things he's been asked to endure and carry through life. I only know that if you've lived any amount of time, you've been asked to do so because no one is exempt. I only know that he has learned to carry the mix of beauty and sorrow well. 

There is a secret Paul speaks of when he says, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV) 

Maybe the secret is facing the hard stuff like grief, injustice, and unanswered questions and receiving the grace not to become embittered by it. Perhaps it's knowing (heart deep) that God is for me and not against me, even when life is falling apart, and my current landscape and future both look bleak. Maybe it's the ability to walk in peace during absolute chaos and a whole lot of unknowns. 

It's a secret and a sacred treasure that you only learn through living. The One who is the embodiment of goodwill towards humanity is with you and is with me. He is peace. Your heart can rest, and when your heart finds rest, you can live out that peace towards the broken world around you.

Living in the Tension 

Art exhibit from "The Returning Artist Guild,"
a network of formery incarcerated artists.


Last week I celebrated my thirty-ninth birthday. It was a "spectacular normal," meaning that I didn't do much out of the ordinary, but I've learned that the ordinary is sacred and even still, I felt ridiculously celebrated. Birthdays always feel a bit like New Year's to me. A time for reflection and another chance to grow into the person I want to be. This year, I'm going to self-edit less when I write. I'm going to get my daily cardio in (or 3x a week would suffice), and I'm going to get up earlier than everyone else in the house. I'm going to work towards better self-care. I'm going to make more time for things I love, and I'm also going to give more love away. I am not, however, going to strive to drink less coffee. Maybe next year. 

And that all sounds good, at least to me. But the reality is, sometimes my break-a-sweat cardio looks more like a patient walk with my three-year-old while she collects leaves without a care in the world. Sometimes waking up earlier than everyone else looks more like the fact that I can't wake up without hitting snooze five times. Literally cannot, and the cat who sleeps the other twenty-three hours of the day will be waiting with those eyes as I'm French-pressing my coffee. He's expecting his head to be scratched and his bowl to be filled. The truth is, doing more of what I love looks like moments that I happen to catch myself having fun in, not with intention or plan and loving people is hard work sometimes. Please tell me you agree. (I think Jesus agreed at times too. It's ok.) 

But the good of who I want to be when I grow up can be seen in glimpses of people all around me. I can see it in this older gentleman who comes every week without fail to play Rummy with the residents at the home his wife resided at before she passed away. It's in the book that shows up at my door from Amazon, sent by a friend who considered it too good not to share. I see it in my co-workers laugh and her ability to make people feel noticed and to say the right thing at just the right time. 

Listen. We are all living in the tension of who we are and who we long to be — even the people who appear to have arrived. 

We all struggle with feeling like we can't get it together at times. We all fail and strive and make tiny bits of progress and then mess it up again. That, my friend, is called being human, and that is universal. 

If only more writers would talk about how crippling self-editing can be. All you see is the published book, not how many times they hit delete, completely trash what they just wrote, or run into a wall of wordless writer's block. 

If only more public speakers would talk about how they felt like they were going to vomit the first one hundred times, that imagining people naked does not work at all, or how often they exit the stage feeling like they rambled and completely blew it. 

If only in our everyday circles and communities, we could let go of this enormous pressure to present the best parts of ourself and instead, embrace the gut-wrenching truth of where we are. I'm not suggesting throwing wisdom out the window and hanging all of our dirty laundries out to dry. No one wants or needs to see all of that. 

But you know what else no one wants to see? Your life free of humanness and doubt and fear and feeling failure or inadequacy at times. It doesn't make you less mature or less spiritual or weaker or less (insert your own) of whatever you think yourself to be. 

Gregory Boyle of Homeboy Industries says this, "Go where love has not yet arrived and love what you find there." But he wasn't the first to say this. This was a Jesus mantra if I've ever heard one. May I add a Sarah version? 

"Go where love has not yet arrived and love what you find there, and start with you.

There is not some future version of you that will be more loved or more worth keeping. You already are, and there is something powerfully wrecking and healing about letting that take root in your heart. 

We become fully alive in this tension of where we are and where we long to be by embracing our present reality and knowing that we could not be loved more. And as I wrote earlier this week in a micro-blog, when you know you're loved, it changes everything.






I Almost Missed It 


Several years ago, I almost missed out on one of the best friendships of my life simply because she was different than me. On the day we met, we were handcuffed at the wrist on a bus headed to Dayton. I was looking out the window, lost in my head and processing the fact that I would never again see Marysville, Ohio on that side of so much pain, and there she was, boxing my ear with a litany of questions. What kind of music did I listen to and did I like horses? Horses? I had no idea where that one came from, but as a matter of fact, I did. I was fascinated by them. 

We ended up being roommates, as the irony and humor of life often go. In every way obvious to my narrow vision at the time, she couldn't have been more different than me, from her boisterous and energetic personality to her likes and dislikes, or political and spiritual beliefs. 

Despite her disbelief in the God I professed to love and follow, she taught me more about His love than I have ever learned in my all years of sitting in a church pew. 

The more I was willing to sit with her and listen, rather than striving to be heard. The more I learned to sit and eat popcorn while watching some mindless reality tv show together (don't act like you've never indulged). The more I allowed my heart to crack open and receive the gift presented to me, I began to realize that I was the one who had the most to unlearn. 

You don't have to fear someone just because they are different than you. You don't have to hold someone whose beliefs are different than yours at a distance. After all, if you knew the abuse she suffered at the hands of the one who should have nurtured and protected her, then you might understand why it was hard to believe in the unconditional love of the Father. 

There will be a chapter in my book, and I will call it "Diana." And there will never be a time that I will think about her and not feel like I could weep a massive puddle onto the floor. She has loved me so well, and she taught me how to love someone the way God does. Without forethought or condition. 

You can't impact someone's world that you aren't willing to enter. And in the entering, you might find your world changed too.

You Are Not the Only One 


I am a writer who connects through words that I am currently struggling to find. 

So here it comes — the hard truth. 

I often write about vulnerability and the power of a story, and even still, it is far from easy to be transparent enough to tell you that I'm currently in one of the darkest seasons of my life. I feel like I am trying to pour from reserves that are below the empty line. I am battling lies that I hear in my head about my present and my future, and there are days when my only prayer is to help me make it through the next hour. 

I have been in the pit of depression before. God and I have been through some things, to hell and back, or so it seemed at the time. Always together, since He so willingly lowers Himself into my darkest night, making His bed there until I've found the strength to hope again. 

I have a lot of questions, and I don't know for the life of me why some things happen. I don't understand why God seems so late to arrive at times, even though He is aware of how pressing our need is. And I think admitting that or confessing that I feel like I'm drowning over here is one of the hardest things for those in public arenas of writing, speaking, or leadership to admit. 

There is a fear of being judged since humans have this tendency to make unfair judgements based on fragmented pieces we see of a partial picture. There is the fear of being too messy, of appearing weak, or less spiritual, or less mature, or less whatever. All of which are lies that keep us in the suffering of silence and drive us further into the darkness and disconnection from the very people who help bring healing. 

The longing for some answers isn't going to be fully satisfied on this side of eternity. I only know that I can relate to Mary in John, chapter 11 when she hears that Jesus has finally arrived four days after she sent for Him and four days too late, and instead of going out to greet Him, she stays in the house. 

Was she bitter? Maybe. Confused? Probably. Depressed and apathetic? The One she trusted with everything seems indifferent to her need. Who wouldn't be? 

I am Mary, sitting in the house with my questions and whatever emotions feel more consuming than my ability to handle. 

But I also know something Mary didn't at the moment. I know the end of that story. I know that Jesus finally does arrive and not too late. I know that he asks for Mary by name because He noticed her absence. I know that He understood how she was feeling and the intricate web of the why's and He cared deeply. I know that He arrived and breathed life into death and grief and so much sorrow, the way that He always does. 

Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is to admit that you are not okay, or that you have doubt and that your faith feels fragile right now. 

"and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out." Isaiah 42:3 (NIV) 

It's okay to feel weak sometimes. It's okay to feel like you are a smoldering flame and one more slight blow might be the one that snuffs you out. You are not alone in that struggle. You are not more broken than the rest of us. There is not some inherent defect in you that makes you unusable, unlikable or less than. 

Reach out. Talk to someone who loves you and is a safe person for you. If you don't have that someone, write to me. 

Know that Jesus asked for Mary by name. And He's asking for me and He's asking for youEven still. No matter what you are sitting in the house with today.

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  • Cormac James
    Cormac James Portland, or
    Nice writing.

    Nice writing.

  • Margie David
    Margie David Hamilton, Oh
    Sarah keep writing. I went to junior high or high school with you, not sure which one. I've read the first page and can't stop. Your writing speaks to my soul and I'd almost swear we were walking through some if the same wasteland. Thank you so much for writing and sharing

    Sarah keep writing. I went to junior high or high school with you, not sure which one.

    I've read the first page and can't stop. Your writing speaks to my soul and I'd almost swear we were walking through some if the same wasteland.

    Thank you so much for writing and sharing

  • Sally Lyons
    Sally Lyons Liberty Township, Ohio
    Sarah, what beautiful writing. I just was reading this and it all just touched me in just such a way! I can’t even explain it but truly enjoyed all of it!! Thank you for sharing and please continue with your beautiful and thoughtful writing! It made my night ?. Thank you again.

    Sarah, what beautiful writing. I just was reading this and it all just touched me in just such a way! I can’t even explain it but truly enjoyed all of it!! Thank you for sharing and please continue with your beautiful and thoughtful writing! It made my night ?. Thank you again.

  • becki hernandez
    becki hernandez las vegas
    I never cry. I cried. So beautiful. Keep writing.

    I never cry. I cried. So beautiful. Keep writing.